Danny's Y 2016 Term 1 writing
This writing is all the writing in this term. It was very challenging because it was hard to come up with idea's, also this was all independent writing.
Hi i'm Danny, i'm a boss and video games and i'm very kind. My brother is as tall my mum and dad, he also goes camping. I love sport like running athletics,soccer,swimming and other sport. I come from the middle east. My dad is 45, my mum is 42 and my brother is 13.
Memories.
Plan
- Cute cat
- Big house
- fluffy cat
- cousins
- fun cat
- fast cat
- active cat
Come on! My name is Danny. I was going to my cousin house. When we arrived there and we started to noke on the door. Then after a while they opened the door and we went in. We went in the garage and saw the cat eating her food. Pippy the cat is fluffy, cute, soft, active, hungry and very kind. We played with
Her and then we let her go.
I'm going to drown!
YAAAAY.We arrived at Brown's bay beach, I was so excited to go in the water to have a cool off. I ran in the water, it felt really cold at first but then after a while it got warmer. In the water was my cousin, my dad and 2 other friends. Then I started to go deeper and deeper and deeper…
I swam quite far until… "AAAHHH! Help me! Help me!" I screamed. I was overtaken by the water. It was too high for me. I was so terrified and so fearful of what was going to happen next. Was I going to drown? Was I going to live… Suddenly, someone pulled me out of the water and I started swimming fast and then I was safe! I was so relieved that I hadn't sunk in water and drowned.
I was so terrified that I was about to drown, but I was saved by my cousin. "Thank you Amy," (cousin) I screamed. " It's all right, what else would I do?" She asked. We got out of the water and went back to our parents, ate some snacks and we sat down. After a while we packed up and went home.
I'm going to drown!
By Danny Yalda
Click the link to see my plan
YAAAAY.We arrived at Brown's bay, I was so excited to go in the water to have a cool off. I ran in the water, it felt really cold at first but then after a while it got warmer. In the water was my cousin, my dad and 2 other friends. Then I started to go deeper and deeper and deeper…
I swam quite far until… "AAAHHH! Help me! Help me!" I screamed. I was taken by surprise by the water. It was too high for me. I was so terrified and so fearful of what was going to happen next.I thought to myself Was I going to sink? Was I going to live?… Suddenly, someone snached me out of the water and I started dashing through the water and then I was safe! I was so relieved that I hadn't sunk in water and drowned.
I was so terrified that I was about to drown, but I was saved by my cousin. "Thank you Amy," (cousin) I screamed. " It's all right, what else would I do?" She asked. We got out of the water and went back to our parents, ate some snacks and we sat down. After a while we packed up and went home.
By Danny Yalda
Why we should have holidays
We have 5 holidays in the year. Holidays are important to many people depending on how their lives run. We should have holidays for many reasons.
First, we should be able to rest our brain and bodies so then we are ready for certain things like going out and have fun and get fresh air. It is good to rest our brain because then we can be ready for the next day of school.
Secondly, we have to spend time with our family and friends. With friends you need to stay in touch with them so then you can always be friends. With family you never get time to play, go places, study and lots of other stuff. Some of us also need to help friends and family sometimes but we don't have time to.
Thirdly, We always have to have fun. People need to enjoy what they like the most when they are having fun. Some of us also can have some quality time with mums, dads, brothers and sisters. It is always good to have fun with everyone you know.
So all together we should have holidays to spend time with our family and friends, to rest and to have fun and this is a good way to be active at all times.
By Danny
Sup Danny
ReplyDeleteI liked your piece of writing called I am going to drown. You did good punctuation when you said Was I going to drown you put a question mark on the end of that sentence. Your hook was good too I bet you people would want to read your writing with that hook. My feedback is that you should have took the highlighting of or explained what is was at the start of the writing.
Hi Danny,
ReplyDeleteGood job on this piece of writing. The only two problems is the highlighting. I think that you should keep it but explain what the highlighting is. In reason one you have the reason and an example in the same sentence. I think you should put a full stop after bodie.
Thanks Henry, I like it that someone cares about my blog posts. Thank you so much.
DeleteYou are the best.